I do quit it sometimes, going as far as deleting it from my iPhone, sometimes from my iPad, once from both. It is time-wasting and addictive, and I think about quitting it often. The gay hook-up app Grindr is as much of a drug as anything whose end result is pleasure. What I experienced was an entirely different kind of 4D. Grindr offers the kind of rides that theme parks don't. There is no cuddling in this story, but if you turn back now, know this, at least: This is especially true of the cuddly ones with loin-grabbing drops like Splash Mountain, the Song of the South-themed log flume in Disney World's Magic Kingdom.

Those who've stupidly waited on long lines can render that time spent utterly wasteful by taking those exits and effectively bypassing that cheap thrill that brought about this empty moment in your life in the first place. Many theme park attractions have last-chance/turn-back points. There's more to being gay than Grindr (thank god), but for some of us, Grindr plays a key role in being gay. We are connected via GPS and our iPhones, and interested parties have embraced doing naughty and queer things with them.

You now have the gist of it: Push buttons and you get laid. Hooking up in an American theme park is almost disappointingly easy if you are gay, and the reason for that is Grindr.